The art of happiness

The more I learn about happiness, the more I realize it’s not possible to feel it all the time. Surprisingly it is a good thing, because it turns out every extreme emotional state comes with a price. The good news is that we can learn to regulate the frequency and intensity of happiness by making the right choices. This is the knowledge I appreciate the most on my bad days – just like the one I’m having today.

Where happiness begins?

Today things are off. Working too much, not sleeping enough, emotionally engaging into personal projects – all of that is taking its toll on my mood. I know that I have two options: either go down the black hole of sadness made of no particular reasons (because apart from the fact my schedule is tight, there’s nothing bad going on in my life) or try and figure out the art of happiness. For the sake of our mutual wellbeing, because I know you might be interested in some advice too, I lean towards the second option and start the research. A few studies read later I begin to understand that happiness, an emotional state often questioned by philosophers, isn’t something impossible to put into objective, easy-to-explain frame. Experiencing happiness is based on primal, physiological, chemical reactions. The key words to understand them are hormones and neurotransmitters, released when we experience something that stimulates us in a positive way. There are 3 main hormones that scientists associate with happiness:

• Dopamine, produced in several areas of the brain, is our main feel-good hormone, stimulating us to seek out pleasure. It makes us engage in activities like eating, shopping, sex or any other kind of indulgence and rewards us with a hit of happiness. But the never-ending, dopamine driven pursuit of good mood high can lead to pain, explains Anna Lembke, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and the author of best-selling book „Dopamine nation”.¹ That’s because pleasure and pain have more in common than we could initially assume: they both work in favor of our internal balance. If you tip even slightly towards pleasure and feel-good state, your self-regulating mechanisms will give you some kind of pain, tipping it back. This is the price I mentioned earlier. That’s why constant, intense happiness is simply impossible to feel and trying to pursuit it against nature might lead us straight to addictions.
• Serotonin is responsible for regulating levels of satisfaction, happiness and optimism. 95% of this neurotransmitter is produced in the gut. When its levels decrease, we experience mood swings, anxiety and depression.² Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are the most commonly prescribed antidepressants.³ They block the reabsorption of this neurotransmitter in the neurons, which makes it available to transmit messages between neurons, and as a consequence, increase the level of happiness and wellbeing. 
• Oxytocin, the hormone of love, is correlated with touch, sexual intimacy end emotional bonding. It can stimulate anti-stress-like reactions, including decreasing blood pressure and cortisol levels.⁴ This hormone appears to play a larger role in women’s happiness than men’s, because it’s also released during pregnancy and breast-feeding.⁵ What’s more, low oxytocin levels might be associated with post- pregnancy baby blues in moms experiencing a poor bonding with their babies.⁶

Giving hormones a helping hand

As long as we keep these hormones in balance, we’re more prone (yes, I know that the word „prone” doesn’t stand for 100% effectiveness but please keep in mind how complex the subject of health and general wellbeing is) to feel happy. Easier said than done? Not necessarily. Although navigating through the endocrine system can be a bumpy, wild ride, there are ways to help us keep the seat behind the wheel. According to Dr. Andrew Huberman, one of the leading neuroscientists at the Stanford University School of Medicine, we can biohack our way to hormonal sweet spot.⁷ All we need to remember about on a daily basis is to: 

• Prioritize sleep When we’re sleep deprived, some parts of the brain that are responsible for emotional regulation, become amplified in their reactivity to emotional events. This makes us more stressed, anxious, fearful and hyperactive.⁸ To avoid these negative emotions and feel happy and restored, we should aim for 8 hours of sleep per night.⁹ 
• Build daily schedules based on circadian rhythm It’s not only how much we sleep but when we sleep that impacts our mood. An irregular circadian rhythm can easily disturb optimal body functioning and as an effect, cause mood disorders such as depression, anxiety or even bipolar disorder.¹⁰ If you’re having trouble with sleep regularity, try to start with a regular wake time in the morning on your working days, without snooze or any other excuse. This will help you regulate times of sleep in the evening and align your circadian rhythm with your sleep-wake cycle.
• Move frequently You don’t have to be a professional athlete to get the post-workout mood boost. According to scientists, even as little as 15 minutes of intense physical activity a day can reduce stress hormones, promote relaxation and prevent depression.¹¹ The key is regularity! So if you’re planning to beat yourself up at the gym so hard you won’t be able to even think about working out for the next few days, I suggest you skip your next gym session and simply go for a walk (and the next day, too!)
• Follow a gut-friendly diet Your brain and your gastrointestinal system are connected. If something in your microbiome is off, it will send signals to the brain. And if your brain is troubled, it will send signals straight to your gut. That’s why condition of you digestive tract can be the cause or the product of mood swings: anxiety, stress, or sadness.¹² The healthier your gut is, the better gastrointestinal health and your mood. What should you eat to keep your microbiome happy? Try to cut off sugar and replace it with probiotics-packed foods, like kimchi, kefir, kombucha, sauerkraut, miso or tempeh.¹³ 
• Remember about daily exposure to natural sunlight You’re a morning routine kind of person? Make sure to find at least 10 minutes for a direct sun exposure shortly after you wake up. Natural light triggers a neural circuit that controls the production of stress and sleep hormones. In the morning, direct sunlight exposure will make your cortisol rise but only to the level that will keep you awake and productive, without causing a stress response, and will regulate the melatonin release in the evening.¹⁴ 
• Practice anti-stress routines, like yoga, meditation or outdoor activities We can’t avoid stress. Whether it’s a deadline at work, a traffic jam or a fight with a partner, there always will be something getting on our nerves. The good thing is that, using a consistent anti-stress routine, we can lower its impact on our overall health, including mood. Try to build your routine around nature. Research show that multiple activities rooted in nature, such as outdoor meditating, gardening, trees gazing and even looking at photos of plants can activate parasympathetic system and improve mood.¹⁵ 

Remember that you don’t have to master all these elements to feel better. A routine that’s too complex can be overwhelming, especially on bad days. Try to start with something that’s accessible and easy to engage in. One step at a time and I promise, you’ll get there. 

Happy genes vs happy choices

We know what happens in our bodies when we’re happy. But the hormonal balance isn’t enough to get us into this emotional state – it just makes us experience happiness easier and more often. To start the internal reactions, we need a stimulus – something that, according to our beliefs, will make us live happily ever after. Studies show, that almost 50% of our level of happiness is based on genes.¹⁶ Some of us are just more prone to looking at the bright side of life, feeling good about themselves or staying optimistic on a daily basis, no matter what life brings. Technically it’s a lot, especially if you were born in a family that considered catastrophizing as a hobby. But let’s not lose hope, genes are not the only component of what makes us happy after all. According to the same study, 40% of our happiness is rooted in the choices we make. As a person who likes the idea of being my own driving force, I already feel better. But what are the choices one should make to be happy? It turns out that the things we usually dream about at night are not the ones that can buy us happiness. New clothes, fame, big bank accounts- even if the material goods feed us with better mood, this state is far from long-lasting.

Where happiness lies?

Money can’t buy happiness. According to the world’s longest study¹⁷ on adult development, led by scientists from Harvard University since 1938, the only thing we should invest in for more than momentarily happiness, is relations with others. Over the course of 75 years they’ve tracked lives of 724 individuals (and now they track lives of more than 2000 of their children), coming from different social and economical backgrounds. Boys from the first group were sophomores at Harvard college, boys from the second one came from the poorest areas of Boston city. It turns out that their life starting points determined neither their achievements levels, nor happiness levels. Some of the men climbed all the way up the career ladders (fun fact: American president John F. Kennedy was part of the original group), some fell all the way down – and it didn’t fully define their happiness. Some became famous, some stayed anonymous – and it didn’t fully define their happiness. The same applies to the types of jobs they chose, the amount of money they made and the parts of the world they lived in. The only thing that truly made a long-lasting impact on their perception of happiness was the fact of having relations with others. As Robert Waldinger, the director of the study said, the main conclusion after decades of analyzing the study data is: good relationships keep us happier and healthier.¹⁸ People who are more socially connected are healthier – both mentally and physically – and live longer. On the other hand, people who spend their lives in loneliness, involuntarily isolated from others, tend to be less happy, experience body and brain decline much earlier in life and live shorter. If you look at the number of friends you have on social media and think you’re covered, think twice. The second important lesson the Harvard scientists learned is that it’s not the quantity but the quality of relations that matters. It’s not just about having a partner – it’s about having a partner who cares, understands, listens and supports. It’s not just about having besties to go out with – it’s about having people who will be there for you in your darkest hours. And it’s not just about not being alone – because a companion who makes you feel unloved or unworthy makes your health and happiness levels decline.

Won’t I be happy until I get married? 

If you’re trying to figure out the faster way of getting married and having kids, because you’re so eager to be happy, please stop. The level of happiness we can get from connecting with others has nothing to do with social labels. It’s all about real bonding. Even if you’re single and having children is not on your life purpose list, you can still lead a perfectly happy life. So don’t ask yourself „will happiness find me?” and act. All you have to do is to engage in a community (of any kind actually, as long as people who’ll surround you will share your values and help you grow) and establish friendships. Studies show that meaningful relations that are not based on blood ties help you build courage, creativity, self esteem, resilience and give your life a purpose just like the ones you have with (happy) family members.¹⁹

Can happiness make me look good?

Apparently, good mood can be as significant for our looks as good beauty routine. When we feel happy, we not only feel better about ourselves, but simply look better. We tend to make better food choices and eat foods promoting health, strength and beautiful skin.²⁰ We sleep better, and boosted blood flow gives us the radiant glow.²¹ We are less tensed, and relaxed muscles are less prone to contribute to the formation of face wrinkles.²² And on top of that, when we’re happy, we attract others with our positive attitude, which makes bonding and feeling even happier easier. 

Can it really be this easy? Is being with and for people who we care about and get care from enough to feel happier, live longer and look better? I’m willing to check. I have just called a friend.

Read More:

• Dopamine Nation. Finding balance in the Age of Indulgence, Dr. Anna Lembke, March 2021
• Understanding & Conquering Depression, Dr. Andrew Hubermann
• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), Mayo Clinic, September 2019
• Oxytocin, a mediator of anti-stress, well-being, social interaction, growth and healing, Kerstin Uvnas-Moberg, Maria Petersson, National Library of Medicine, National Center for Biotechnology Information, Psychosom Med Psychother 2005;51(1):57-80
• Oxytocin: More Than Just a “Love Hormone”, Robert P. Burris Ph.D., Psychology Today
• ‘Bonding hormone’ linked to post-baby blues, Tina Hesman Saey, ScienceNews, May 2011
• Why You Should Sleep Your Way to the Top, Jill Suttie, Mind & Body, December 2013
• Sleep Scientist Warns Against Walking Through Life ‘In An Underslept State’, Andrew Walker, Berkley Psychology
• Why your sleep and wake cycles affect your mood, Lawrence Epstein MD, Syed Moin Hassan MD, Harvard Health Blog, May 2020
• More evidence that exercise can boost mood, Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School, May 2019
• The gut-brain connection, Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School, April 2021
• Can Probiotics Improve Your Mood?, Johns Hopkins Medicine
• Using light (sunlight, blue light & red light) to optimize health, Andrew Hubermann, April 2022
• 10 Natural Ways to Relieve Stress Without Negative Side Effects, Amen Clinics, December 2021
• The secret to happiness? Here’s some advice from the longest-running study on happiness, Matthew Solan, Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School, October 2017
• Harvard Study of Adult Development, Harvard Medical School, Massachusetts General Hospital
• Good genes are nice, but joy is better, Liz Mineo, The Harvard Gazette, April 2017
• Dhru Purohit Podcast with Dr. Mark Hyman
• Stress and Eating, American Psychological Association, 2013
• Effects of sleep deprivation on serum cortisol level and mental health in servicemen, Hong-tao Song, Xin-yang Sun, Ting-shu Yang, Li-yi Zhang, Jia-lin Yang, Jing Bai, International Journal of Psychophysiology, June 2015
• Association of Facial Exercise With the Appearance of Aging, Murad Alam, Anne J. Walter, Amelia Geisler, JAMA Dermatology, March 2018